


Prison Buddies: An Unlikely Tale

by chains_archivist



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Boys in Chains, Humor, M/M, Prison, totally unrealistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:23:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chains_archivist/pseuds/chains_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>by Siubhan<br/> I wanted to write Toad/Wolverine slash, but I couldn't think of a way to do it plausibly. So I did it implausibly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prison Buddies: An Unlikely Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dusk, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Boys in Chains](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Boys_in_Chains), which opened in 2000 as a multifandom archive for both fiction and art, but then sadly went offline in 2005. To bring the archive back, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2014. Open Doors [posted an announcement](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/1832) and e-mailed all creators about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please [contact the Open Doors committee](http://transformativeworks.org/contact/open%20doors).  
> \--  
> Initially posted 8/23/00
> 
> I wanted to write Toad/Wolverine slash, because I think both the characters are damned hot, but I couldn't come up with a plausible way to get them together. So I went for implausible. And silly. Apologies in advance.

[The setting: A dank cell]

Toad: So, we're prison buddies.  
Wolvie: Looks like it.  
Toad: We should bust out.  
Wolvie: Tried already.  
Toad: Hopefully my guys will get me soon.  
Wolvie: Same here.  
Toad: So, you know what prison buddies traditionally do, yes?  
Wolvie: Not bored enough yet.  
Toad: Fair enough.

[An hour passes.]

Toad: Bored yet?  
Wolvie: Nope.

[Another hour passes.]

Toad: How about now?  
Wolvie: Not even close.

[Three hours later.]

Wolvie: For the thousandth time, I do NOT want to play "Toad in the hole!"  
Toad: You don't play it, you eat it.  
Wolvie: GUAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRDDDD!!!!!   
Toad: Don't think there is a guard, loverboy.  
Wolvie: *snikt!* Don't make me use these.  
Toad: *hock* Don't make me spit at you.  
Wolvie: Look, you say on your side, I'll stay on mine.  
Toad: You'll come around.  
Wolvie: Not likely, bub.

[Four hours later.]

Wolvie: *yawn*  
Toad: Does that mean you're bored?  
Wolvie: Ah fuck. Yeah. Sure. I'm bored. Let's get this over with, okay?  
Toad: So, top or bottom?  
Wolvie: *snikt!* Whaddaya think?  
Toad: Suits me fine. I'm self-lubricating.  
Wolvie: I did NOT need to know that!  
Toad: You were gonna find out soon enough.  
Wolvie: *grumble*  
Toad: So, tongue or no tongue?  
Wolvie: No tongue.  
Toad: You sure? I could rim ya while you do me.  
Wolvie: I said NO TONGUE!  
Toad: Mind if I use it on myself?  
Wolvie: Knock yourself out. And bend over.  
Toad: *fumble* Take me, big boy.  
Wolvie: Having a little trouble getting it up, considering the view.  
Toad: Picture Jean Grey naked.  
Wolvie: Okay. Problem over.  
Toad: *lick*  
Wolvie: Whoa! Got an eyeful there.  
Toad: Pictuh Thorm nahked.  
Wolvie: Back in the game!  
Toad: *groan*  
Wolvie: *growl*  
Toad: *lick*  
Wolvie: *woof*  
Toad: *ribbit!*  
Wolvie: *howl!*  
Toad: Whew! Thanks for the assist.  
Wolvie: No problem, bub.  
Toad: You think you'll get bored again any time soon?  
Wolvie: Not a chance.  
Toad: Fair enough.

THE (merciful) END


End file.
